12: You’re Not Broken: Why New Year’s Resolutions Are Designed to Fail

Introduction: The New Year New You Trap

Hey, it’s Megan. Grab your coffee and let’s have a convo.

I help women navigate perimenopause with the Perimenopause Matrix™ framework. Today we’re talking about New Year’s resolutions and this ties directly into the Regulate pillar of the Perimenopause Matrix because protecting your bandwidth and rejecting external pressure during perimenopause is everything. Let’s dive in.

New Year’s resolutions and the pressure to mark big changes can be super overwhelming. I spoke to a client who was gearing up for her big New Year’s transformation and she was overwhelmed with her “new you” mindset. And you know what? She should be overwhelmed because the entire wellness industry has spent billions of dollars convincing her, convincing you that you are broken and need fixing.

The idea that you’re broken or not good enough is marketing to get you to buy things. It’s not just marketing, it’s a business model. They need you to feel inadequate so you’ll come back in February and March and next January.

You are beautiful and deserving as you are. You were born that way. But growth is something many people can use as a tool to help solve a problem, feel better, make their life more enjoyable. This isn’t saying that you are broken and need a new you. This is you adding, growing, learning and building new skills to get where you want to go if you want to.

The System Is Designed to Fail You

New Year’s resolutions are all around us and the failure rate is close to 50% by February 1st. I’ve been going to some sort of gym for 10 years and January is always crazy. There’s a huge influx of people and by Valentine’s Day it’s completely back to normal levels.

I don’t say this to be discouraging. I say this because the system is designed this way. The gyms know this. The weight loss centers know this. They’re banking on you signing up in January and disappearing by February, but keeping that membership running. That’s not your willpower. That’s the profit model.

Change is hard, but it’s made even harder when you’re sold a lie. Building habits is not sexy. People aren’t jumping up and down talking about habit stacking and incremental changes. Believe me, I have tried to get clients excited about this and it’s really hard. You know why? Because “lose 20 pounds in six weeks” sells. “Build one tiny habit” doesn’t. But guess which one actually works long-term?

Every gym, weight loss center, nutritionist, wellness center out there is promising a new year and a new you. I don’t think you need a new you. I think you are beautiful and deserving just as you are.

Perhaps you have some goals you want to work on, but that’s a habit, a tool, an upgrade to your health or well-being, not a complete trashing of the you you are today. You are constantly evolving over time. The you of 20 years ago is different from the you today, emotionally, mentally, physically. But you can’t change overnight into a magical new person who has solved all of their problems and is in a constant state of perfection. That is marketing and it is not real.

The Perimenopause Layer: When Everything Converges

It’s not you. You haven’t failed. It’s the wellness industry and the lack of skills to make change that are the problem piled on top of perimenopause, which is draining. We don’t really learn in school how to make change or realize that we are operating mostly on autopilot and you still have the ability to create your defaults, but you have to be aware and learn how to build those defaults.

And here’s what makes me really furious. All this pressure is hitting you during perimenopause. Are you using taking care of your kids, parents, partner, coworkers as a way to avoid thinking about you and your health and wellbeing?

Perimenopause is typically when all of these external caring moments converge. And whether you’re a CEO or a stay at home mom, you’re expected culturally to be the one to take this responsibility. So you’re depleted, your hormones are fluctuating, your bandwidth is stretched thin, and then the wellness industry shows up on January 1st telling you that it’s your moment for a complete transformation. That’s just unrealistic and it’s cruel.

My 3-Minute Revolution

Let me tell you how I figured this out.

I started working out from a place of desperation. I was miserable, depressed, anxious, I had insomnia, was swollen everywhere, cracked and bleeding hands and feet, terrible breakouts, GI issues, so many issues and so many start stops.

I tried running first, asked for cute clothes for Christmas and I learned I can’t even run for a block. Then I tried the gym. I hated the stair master and my bribe to go was this fruit smoothie with honey, but no added fiber or protein, sugar-crashing hard every time I went to the gym. I tried the seven-minute workout and I couldn’t do it, so I made the three-minute workout.

This was the change for me. I made it super easy, just put on a sports bra, walk into my living room barefoot, and do my three minutes. It was hard because people kept saying three minutes wouldn’t do anything, and those people were selling me something bigger and more expensive. They were really wrong.

Three minutes turned into five minutes, and that turned into seven minutes, and that turned into barre class, which turned into group classes and yoga, and that turned into working out with a trainer, and then that turned into creating my own programming to fit my time and goals. This process started 15 years ago, and I’m here to tell you that three minutes can make the difference between reaching your health goals or not. The key was starting where I was, not where the wellness industry told me I should be.

And if you know another woman who’s been told she needs a complete transformation when she really just needs permission to start small, send her this episode. That’s how we build something different.

What They Don’t Want You to Know: Fresh Starts Happen All Year

There is a lot of pressure to make all of these changes at the beginning of the year, because culturally we talk about resolutions and the new year and what Dr. Katy Milkman calls a “fresh start” in her research. But here’s what the wellness industry doesn’t want you to know.

They don’t want you to know that you have a fresh start every single Monday this year, at the beginning of every month, on every birthday and every anniversary. They know this. Dr. Milkman’s research proves it, but they need you desperate and ready to spend on January 1st so they don’t tell you that you have 52 fresh starts this year.

You don’t need January 1st to transform anything. If New Year’s resolutions work for you, then keep on keeping on. But if they don’t, my peri-friend, don’t be discouraged or disappointed. This is simply knowing that you might be exhausted after the holidays and might need time to recover before implementing changes that you want to make. That’s not a failure. That’s knowing your body and your life. That’s wisdom.

The Intel They Charge $200/Month For

So here’s what actually works. I’m going to give this to you because it’s what they charge $200 a month for you to discover in their programs.

Dr. Katy Milkman’s research talks about fresh starts. Big moments in our lives are looked at like chapters—marriages, jobs, kids—and we can bookend those with changes. But there are lots of smaller fresh starts we can use to provide momentum during the year. The New Year is one, but if you missed it: your birthday, anniversaries, holidays, the start of the month, even the start of the week. Her research shows using one of those fresh starts makes you more likely to make change and get going.

Dr. Katy Milkman also stresses the importance of fun. I used to be really focused on optimization—the best, most efficient. As I have worked with more and more people, I realized that the best is what people are willing to do. Done is better than perfect.

So how do you think about that? I like BJ Fogg’s research here for starting small, or in his terms, tiny habits. Do I want you to lift weights two to three times a week as a perimenopausal woman? Absolutely. But if you haven’t lifted weights your entire life and are not an exerciser, that’s an unrealistic goal for you to implement this week.

If you’re interested in weights, we can start small, one time a week with a class or a session with a personal trainer and build from there. What if we’re starting from a place with no movement and total intimidation at the gym? Then finding something that you like and are more likely to do with a friend is going to be the best place to start. Can we make it fun? Things that suck are not going to work long term. What is painful for you is different than what is painful for me or your partner or your best friend. There are a lot of personal preferences here. The wellness industry wants to sell you THE program, but there is no THE program. There’s only YOUR program.

Strategy: Identity, Environment, and Support

Strategy is important. What are you doing specifically? When, how, where, and with whom? You aren’t going to “just work out.”

Identity: Think about the change that you want to make. Consider that identity. If you don’t see yourself as that person, it’s going to be hard to make that change. You have to believe you are the person who works out, who goes to bed at 9:30, who food preps, who has a dental routine. If you want to be that person but don’t see yourself as that person, that change is much, much harder. It can help to add that to your self-talk before you even start. When you think about your entire day, start by saying to yourself, “I have to work on my nighttime routine because I go to bed at 9:30” or “I have to put my shoes out because I go to the gym in the morning.”

Environment: How do we set your environment up for success? If your goal is weight loss, then having a pantry full of snacks that aren’t supporting your goal is setting yourself up for failure. If your goal is to drink more water and you don’t like the taste of it and the only cups you have you don’t like sitting in the kitchen, you probably aren’t going to drink more water. If your goal is to get more sleep and you don’t have enough time scheduled in your day to actually get more sleep, it’s not going to happen until you set your schedule differently.

Support: What kind of support do you have? This is crucial. Who is your cheerleader? Your confidant, your sounding board with this change? Your support system can be make or break with reaching your goals.

Protecting Your Bandwidth in Perimenopause

I know you’re a busy person managing your personal life, relationships with family and friends, perhaps a partner or career, raising kids, taking care of parents, and figuring out how to make it through perimenopause. I don’t want you to feel guilted into making resolutions or making changes right now in 2026 because you should. If you didn’t listen to the episode on the dangers of “should,” go back and give it a listen. It’s a really good one.

Change needs to be something you want and need to do and you need to set up a structure and plan to make yourself successful or it will be another stressor draining your precious bandwidth and eventually your motivation and willpower will tap out.

You do not want to rely on them, especially in perimenopause when hormone fluctuations can make both of these in low reserve. You want to create as many autopilot default options in your life as possible, the easier, healthier ones, so you don’t have to spend any more bandwidth.

Your brain is super smart and it likes to conserve energy. Think about the decision fatigue you hit at 4 p.m. on a Thursday and you get home and you can’t decide what to have for dinner. So you order out because you are so tired and cannot think of any other option. What if your default “I have no energy” dinner was already planned? What if it was sitting in the freezer and all you had to do was pop it in the air fryer or the microwave and not think about it? Not make a decision?

I really love one-time changes like deciding to invest in a water filter. It’s a big upfront cost but once it’s purchased the decision is made. I drink filtered water, no more choice.

The Rebellion: Your One Small Thing

So here’s what I want you to do and this is the rebellion. Today you don’t need to change your entire life. Today you can pick one thing that feels reasonable that you want to work on. The important thing is picking something that will work for you.

Change your life for the better and see how creating something that works for you can help you build the life you want with the energy you want. Your choices now are setting you up for the rest of your life. You have time. You can create the health you want. Every day we can correct the ship just a little bit to keep on track so that when you are 60, 70, 80, you’re feeling strong and capable and able to do all the things that bring you joy.

You want the choice to live your life the way you want rather than your health dictating what you can do. Put that suitcase in the overhead compartment. Pick up that grandbaby from the floor. Jump on that ski slope.

Start small. Bring a friend. Tell another woman what you’re doing. Not to brag, but to give her permission to start small too. Know that you have the ability to create the health you want, to live the life you want. You don’t need fancy gyms, more expensive supplements, and 24-step programs. If you want those things, use them as tools, but know that you are the secret sauce.

The wellness industry has been selling you solutions when you’re not broken. You’re navigating perimenopause in a world that doesn’t support you. That’s the problem, not you.

So reject the “new you.” Build your one small thing. And when someone asks you how you’re doing it, tell them the truth: you stopped believing that you were broken and started where you are.

Share This Episode

Can you do me a favor? If this was helpful, share it with one person who might need to hear it today. Our bodies didn’t come with a user manual and this perimenopause thing can feel confusing and lonely, but you’re not alone. You’re not crazy and you’re definitely not broken. And maybe someone in your life needs that reminder too. Let’s spread the word and be kind to each other and ourselves.

Now the legal bit. I’m a nutritionist, but I’m not your nutritionist. This podcast is for information and education only. No client relationship was formed. Always seek medical advice when necessary.

I’ll see you next Wednesday morning.