5: Why Nothing Changed But the Holidays Feel Impossible

Episode Transcript

Hey, it’s Megan. Grab your coffee and let’s have a convo.

Travel, holidays, time with those we love can all be stressful. Take a breath and remember, you don’t have to do everything yourself. You can ask for help. You can take a walk around the block.

A lot of the holidays encourage this idea of perfection. The perfect meal, the perfect decorations, the perfect party. Perfection is stressful and a lot.

If you’re in perimenopause, something you used to do in your sleep, like hosting a 12 person dinner party, can suddenly feel overwhelming. When your hormones are stepping down, our stress response gets heightened. This can look like increased anxiety, poor sleep, and things that didn’t used to be stressful suddenly becoming very stressful and overwhelming.

I hear this from clients a lot: “Suddenly my life is so stressful and nothing has changed.”

They didn’t experience an external change, but there is a lot going on internally.

One of the best things about being in your forties is caring less about what other people think. So our mantra this year can be good, not perfect.

The Perfection Problem

Deciding to be good and not perfect is a big mindset shift. As much as I love Martha Stewart as a business icon—and let’s be serious about her thirst trap vibes on Instagram, iconic—her perfection can be anxiety provoking for anyone. We have been raised on perfect. How could we not put out perfect effort?

I loved entertaining and dinner parties, and that used to be my absolute jam. When I was in my late 20s and early 30s, I was all in. Mix and match china, a perfect cheese board, flowers that match the theme, the whole production.

When I wanted to get people together, to be together and let go a little bit, entertaining was absolutely wonderful. When I wanted to impress, the pressure was not helpful. I would plan and plan and then stress about the lighting, where people would sit, how things would be laid out.

If events, hosting and planning is your business, these are all worthwhile stresses. If you are just a human having friends and family for dinner, these stresses may not be worth your energy.

Family is complicated. Backhanded compliments happen, feelings are hurt, family traditions, expectations, keeping up with appearances—it can all be a lot on top of everything else you are managing in your life.

Your Precious Bandwidth

We only have so much space and bandwidth. You get to choose with your limited resources where you want to spend them.

What gets perfect and what gets good? Should we drop perfect altogether? Maybe. We also don’t want to add another should to our plates because that is just another bandwidth suck.

So if you’re ready for a mindset shift, consider that perfection is unattainable. There is no such thing. You, my peri-friend, have limited resources and you cannot give 100% to everything.

So where do you want to spend your precious bandwidth?

• Do you love food? Is this your Super Bowl? Then spend your bandwidth on the food. That will bring you joy and is something that you can choose.
• Do you take pride in having a clean house? Great. Lean into that cleaning and then delegate the cooking.
• Do you hate cleaning? Delegate or hire someone else. Do you really want to spend your precious bandwidth on a chore that you detest?

The Overwhelm Ratio

The holidays can be overwhelming. Remember, a lot of overwhelm is caused by obligations that you did not pick.

So if you wake up with a million tasks that you were assigned that don’t seem to be like a big deal but are bringing you to your knees, pick one thing that you want to do and make it happen.

Adding when you’re already overwhelmed seems like the wrong way to go, but we are upping the ratio of things that you picked versus things that you did not on your plate and pulling back some of that overwhelm by exerting some control over your time.

This is key: It’s not the difficulty, the size or seriousness of the task—it’s whether or not you put it on your plate or not. If your plate is chock full of things that you didn’t add, we need to change that ratio.

You Are Enough

I can’t rewrite the family lore or change the way your mother-in-law comments on your turkey, but here’s what I can tell you: You are more important than the perfect anything. You are enough, and you get to decide what gets your energy.

So this week, pick one thing you’re doing because you want to—not because someone else expects it.

• Maybe it’s 10 minutes alone before everyone arrives.
• Maybe it’s delegating the sides so you can focus on what you actually love.
• Maybe it’s saying no to something that doesn’t serve you.

Your bandwidth is precious. Your body is working hard and you deserve to spend your energy on the things that light you up—not just the things that check the boxes.

And remember: good is good enough and so are you.

Can you do me a favor? If this was helpful, share it with one person who might need to hear it today. Our bodies didn’t come with a user manual and this perimenopause thing can feel confusing and lonely, but you’re not alone. You’re not crazy and you’re definitely not broken. And maybe someone in your life needs that reminder too. Let’s spread the word and be kind to each other and ourselves.

Now the legal bit: I’m a nutritionist, but I’m not your nutritionist. This podcast is for information and education only. No client relationship was formed. Always seek medical advice when necessary. I’ll see you next Wednesday morning.