By Jenna Owsianik
Taking care of yourself isn’t all about hitting the gym and eating right. Adding self-pleasure into your routine can be a surprisingly fun way to boost your health and wellbeing during midlife transitions.
And when it comes to perimenopause in particular, a growing body of research shows it can be a powerful tool for managing symptoms. In fact, a recent study of over 1,100 participants found that nearly 20% of perimenopausal and postmenopausal women experienced relief thanks to self-pleasure practices. They were especially helpful for easing mood changes and disrupted sleep.
Sadly, strong taboos against solo pleasure can make it difficult for women to embrace this practical and drug-free option. But more and more medical doctors and scientists are recognizing its potential as part of a broader self-care toolkit.
Here, we’ll aim to shatter outdated views with science and offer grounded tips for enjoying self-pleasure.
Why self-pleasure can support perimenopausal health
Fluctuating estrogen levels during perimenopause cause thinning and drying of the vaginal walls that often leads to vaginal pain. However, it’s well-established that sexual arousal increases blood flow to the genitals, which helps support tissue health and flexibility.
There are also nervous system benefits. Self-pleasure can promote the release of feel-good neurochemicals associated with relaxation, pain modulation, and improved mood. That calming effect may be particularly helpful during perimenopause, when stress sensitivity and anxiety can feel heightened.
Importantly, solo sex may also offer agency during a phase of life when a woman’s body can feel unpredictable. For example, self-pleasure provides a space for exploration without performance expectations or the need to manage someone else’s needs. That autonomy alone can be profoundly supportive.
Despite these benefits, self-pleasure is still wrapped in shame for many women. This is especially true for those of us raised with messages that framed it as indulgent, selfish, or just plain wrong. Perimenopause can skyrocket these fears, as cultural narratives often push the false idea that female sexuality has an expiration date.
But remember: sexual wellbeing is tied to overall wellbeing across the lifespan. And when solo sex is approached intentionally and without judgment, it’s linked to better sexual function and self-image.
Yet even when we acknowledge the benefits, actually beginning can feel awkward or unfamiliar. That is normal.
Creating conditions that feel supportive
Getting started with self-pleasure does not require a specific mood or routine. What matters most is creating a setting that feels safe and comfortable for you. That might mean dimming the lights, playing relaxing or sensual music, or choosing a time when interruptions are unlikely. Small environmental cues can help signal to your nervous system that it is okay to slow down.
Comfort extends to what you wear or do not wear. Some people feel best in soft, cozy clothing. Others enjoy garments that make them feel confident or playful. There is no correct choice. The aim is to reduce distraction and increase ease.
It is also worth remembering that sexual pleasure exists on a wide spectrum. Some people focus on sensations that do not involve genital touch at all, sometimes called outercourse. Others prefer gentler forms of stimulation, especially if they are navigating vaginal pain or sensitivity. Listening to your body and adjusting in the moment is a form of care, not a limitation.
Tools that can help
Sex toys can be useful for some people, particularly when hand fatigue, lowered sensitivity, or curiosity about new sensations come into play. Notably, research shows that vibrators may not only help women reach climax faster. Using them may also help improve pelvic floor health and boost vaginal lubrication.
As with anything new and intimate, start slowly and choose body-safe materials.
Lubricant is another underused support, and it’s not only for partnered sex. It creates a slippery layer that reduces friction and protects sensitive skin. During perimenopause, when vaginal tissues can feel more delicate, using lube can make self-pleasure far more comfortable and enjoyable while minimizing irritation.
Erotic media can also help get you in the mood with visual stimulation or hot storytelling. Porn does get a bad rap. But there are some great female-friendly porn options available that center female pleasure, authenticity, and ethical porn production practices.
Some research even suggests that women who watch porn report better sexual functioning, including higher levels of arousal and desire as well as more frequent orgasms. Though take note that motivation matters. Watching it due to relationship dissatisfaction is associated with poorer outcomes. On the other hand, self-directed porn use intended to satisfy personal pleasure and curiosity tends to support sexual health.
A potential tool for self-care, not a requirement
Self-pleasure isn’t mandatory for good health, and it’s not a cure-all for your perimenopause woes. But for many women, it can be a low-risk, accessible way to reduce certain symptoms and feel more at home in a changing body. Approached with curiosity rather than expectation, it can be a quiet act of self-support.
Regardless, it’s important to consult your healthcare provider to find the most effective strategies for managing symptoms. Exploring your sexuality solo is one of many evidence-backed approaches to caring for yourself during perimenopause, and it’s deeply personal.
Jenna Owsianik is a sexual health and sextech journalist with over a decade of experience covering intimacy, technology, and sexual wellbeing. She’s also the founder of Sex For Every Body®, an online publication dedicated to inclusive, accessible sexual health and sex education. The site covers disability, sex and aging, pleasure-based sexual health, and the ethical porn movement.
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