Prefer to Listen?
A friend called me recently about a camping trip that had turned into an anxiety spiral. She couldn’t let her son swim in the lake – not because of anything rational, but because her brain had convinced her he’d get sick from some terrifying microbe. She knew intellectually that it was unlikely. But she couldn’t stop the thoughts. She couldn’t be present. She was stuck in fight-or-flight mode, scanning the water for invisible bears.
If you’re reading this thinking “that sounds extreme,” I get it. But if you’re reading this thinking “oh god, that’s me,” I really get it.
The Anxiety Spiral Is Real (and It’s Exhausting)
As an outsider, anxiety can sound silly. As the person drowning in it, I promise you – there is nothing funny about it.
I’ve been there. It’s like playing whack-a-mole underwater while you’re losing. You stop one anxious thought and three more pop up. You get so bogged down that you’re paralyzed. And the worst part? It often hits at night.
I used to lie awake, heart racing, spiraling through every terrible thing that could possibly happen. I’d exhaust myself fighting it. On the really bad nights, I’d literally give up; not because I was suicidal, but because I had no fight left. I’d think, If this kills me, so be it. I have nothing more to give. And weirdly, that surrender would knock me out into deep sleep. But I’d wake up completely wrecked.
It’s terrifying to be that scared for that long, so scared that the only way out you can see at 3 a.m. is to accept that you might not make it to morning. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
You’re Not Alone (and It’s Not Just “Stress”)
If this kind of feeling is new for you, here’s what you need to know: stress and anxiety in midlife for women is incredibly common. And it’s often linked to the hormonal changes of perimenopause.
A 2024 systematic review found that the major risk factors for developing depression or anxiety during perimenopause were vasomotor symptoms (hello, hot flashes), history of previous mental health challenges, stressful life events, and low financial or educational status. And the SWAN study – Yay for including women in the research, imagine that – shows that anxiety tends to peak during perimenopause and decline after menopause.
So what’s happening in your body?
As you move into perimenopause, your hormones start to decline. But it’s not a smooth, predictable decline; it’s volatile. Your hormone levels are all over the place, and that inconsistency affects neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, and GABA. These are the brain chemicals that help regulate your mood and buffer anxiety.
When you were a kid, you couldn’t buffer your own anxiety – you needed a parent or another adult to do it for you. Well, guess what? With declining hormones, your body’s ability to do that self-soothing gets harder. Your parasympathetic system (rest and digest) loses support, and your sympathetic system (fight or flight) ramps up. Add in lack of sleep and hot flashes, and it all gets worse.
What That Actually Means for Your Day-to-Day Life
Your brain is now on high alert way more often, scanning for threats and danger.
That bump in the night you used to sleep through? Now your brain wakes you up to triple-check it’s not a tiger. That self-soothing you used to do without thinking? Harder to access because your body isn’t making as many calming neurotransmitters. Things that used to roll off you like water now stick like maple syrup.
Your stress cup is shrinking. Maybe you used to be a venti. Now you’re a tall. I work with women whose stress cup is the size of an espresso shot, it doesn’t take much to overflow.
The Good News: You Can Support Your Nervous System
There are real, tangible things you can do to manage anxiety and support your body through this. Let’s break it down.
Regulate Yourself (Yes, It’s a Skill You Can Learn)
Regulating yourself is a crucial skill, and it can be hard to develop later in life. When we’re kids, the adults around us are supposed to help us regulate. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes what worked when we were younger stops working as we age. And a lot of times, we don’t even realize what we’re doing is an attempt to regulate.
Do you reach for a candy bar after every stressful meeting? Maybe you learned that sugar is soothing, and it works – for about five minutes. Then you crash and feel like garbage the rest of the day.
Do you scream and yell when you’re angry? Maybe that felt like a release when you were younger, but now it’s damaging your relationships.
Do high-stress weeks end in 40-mile runs? Maybe your body can’t keep up anymore, and the release takes more miles than your knees can handle.
Take time to look at the way you regulate yourself. Is it working? Great – keep it up. If it’s not, consider building new skills: meditation, mindfulness, breathwork, or self-hypnosis. These aren’t woo-woo extras. They’re tools that can actually increase the size of your stress cup.
Start small: three minutes a day. You can increase over time.
In-the-moment tools:
- Box Breathing or 4-7-8 Breath: Brings you back to baseline when you’re spiraling
- Walk around the block: Moving your body helps clear the cortisol and glucose that stress dumps into your bloodstream
Fuel: Steady Blood Sugar Is Everything
Low blood sugar can look and feel like anxiety: sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach, headache, racing heart, fatigue, cravings. If your blood sugar is on a roller coaster, your mood will be too.
Move: Your Body Likes to Move (Especially in the Sun)
Exercise is one of the best treatments for depression and anxiety. Walking is free. Try a 10-minute walk in the morning – fresh air, sun in your eyes. You won’t feel worse. I promise.
Recharge: Sleep Matters More Than You Think
Get your eight hours of sleep opportunity. Lack of sleep drives anxiety and depression. It also drives insulin resistance, which leads to blood sugar crashes and mood swings.
Connect: Loneliness Is Dangerous
Be with friends, family, people you actually like and want to build relationships with. Loneliness is one of the most dangerous things for your health.
Clean: Take Inventory of What You’re Putting On and In Your Body
Keep a little journal of how you feel. Do you get irritable an hour after a certain meal? Nauseous after smelling your shampoo or air freshener? If something’s making you feel bad, try taking it out of your life for a few weeks and see if there’s improvement.
Amplifiers: Hormones and Adaptogens Can Be Game-Changers
Progesterone can be a lifesaver for some women (including me). Estrogen can also help. Adaptogens like ashwagandha and rhodiola are wonderful supports here.
You’re not imagining this. You’re not overreacting. Your body is going through a massive hormonal shift, and it’s affecting your brain chemistry in very real ways. The good news? There are tools that actually work – and you don’t have to white-knuckle your way through this alone.
In Part 2, we’ll talk about the beauty (yes, really) of midlife – and how to figure out what YOU actually want now that you’re done doing everything for everyone else.
Ready to stop guessing and start solving?
The Matrix Package gives you the lab interpretation, personalized strategy, and ongoing support to navigate this transition with confidence, not confusion.
👉 Get clear on what’s happening in YOUR body and create a plan that actually works. Grab your Matrix Package spot today!
Not ready to dive in? Book a free 15-minute call to ask questions and get clarity on your next steps.
Still Curious? Dive in here
No posts