14: You Are Not Robin Berzin (And That’s the Point)

Introduction: Even the Experts Are Figuring It Out

Robin Berzen, CEO of Parsley Health, sent out an email this week and it wasn’t what I was expecting. She was referencing some studies we talked about in episode four, 10 minutes could give you eight more years.

She is someone I put in the general badass category, starting Parsley Health and growing an integrative telehealth company to where it is today. She was way ahead of the curve. She’s an impressive human and she’s still figuring it out. She shared that over the past few years, she had leaned into yoga and Pilates, but really lacked resistance training and cardio. She thought she had it dialed in and then she learned something new, realized that she needed to adjust.

I am so glad someone else who is in the health space is talking about the challenge to do the right things. She thought she was doing the right things and yet there is always something better, more optimized, something to build on. Even Robin freaking Berzen, someone who literally built a healthcare company, is still iterating on her own health. I think this is one of the biggest myths in the health space. There is no perfect. There is only where you are today and the direction that you’re going.

The Real Challenge: Meeting Yourself Where You Are

This is the challenge being honest about where you are, what you need versus what you want, and what you actually have the bandwidth for right now. This is why I talk about one pillar, one habit, one step at a time. It’s hard to do it all. And it’s a spectrum that changes with life situations. Sometimes that’s by the day or the week, and sometimes it’s months or even years of your life. The perimenopause matrix isn’t about optimizing six pillars all at once.

It’s about using the framework when you need it to support your current situation. There are so many pressures to be optimized. The messaging is everywhere. I like optimized in theory. I like to think of it as being the most bang for your buck. But as we talked about in the resolutions episode, it is a theory unless you apply it to yourself in the context of your life.

The Compare and Despair Trap

I fall into this trap all the time looking at other people I admire and thinking I should be doing those things. They are successful, optimized, crushing life. I should be growing my visibility and helping more women. This is something I feel extremely passionately about. So I make this podcast, which I love because it allows me to learn, be curious, and share the information with you. That fills my soul. But if I want reach, I need to get out in the world, help more women, touch more lives.

So I need to be on Facebook and Instagram making videos. I need to be writing the thought leadership articles in the perimenopause space on LinkedIn. I need to grow my email list, speak and present at conferences, network with other perimenopause people, connect with people in the women’s health space.

When the Pep Talk Becomes Necessary

Sometimes you have to give yourself the pep talk. I had to remind myself that last year I taught a group of doctors about perimenopause because they didn’t learn about it in medical school. Crazy considering how much time they have to spend in training.

I presented at a perimenopause symposium for my CNS organization and other nutritionists got continuing education credits for attending my presentation. I was considered for the Siete practitioner conference, but didn’t make the final cut. I launched a podcast. Thanks for listening, by the way. So last week when I spent five consecutive days on LinkedIn trying to build out my network, be a thought leader, look for corporate speaking opportunities and ended the week crying into my eggs.

I had to take the time to remind myself of all those things after my partner reminded me that I am not at all a failure. LinkedIn holes are real, and if you are looking for a job, trying to get more traction or build out your visibility, every time you hop on, someone is sharing a promotion, a project, a conference, a success. I felt very behind having none of those things to share.

I felt like I wasn’t at the right conferences, going to the right webinars, in the right groups, or applying for the right speaking opportunities. My articles weren’t being seen, commented on, or making any impact. It was pretty bleak.

Who Are You Really Comparing Yourself To?

Even the people we admire the most have moments of doubt and feeling like a failure. The lure of compare and despair is so strong. Consider who you are comparing yourself to. I was looking at women who have spent the past decade building businesses. That is a terrible place to compare.

I made a career pivot in my late 30s. I spent over two decades in the fashion industry. There is no way I could be on par with people who’ve been in the women’s Health space for their entire careers. That’s just silly. Are you comparing yourself to someone in a completely different life space than you? I think it’s alluring to look at the health influencers and the people we look up to and want their morning routine, their supplements stack, productivity tips, life, and forget that they are different people in different life circumstances with different needs, desires, and bodies.

That health influencer has been grinding for over a decade. They have a team and their job is to be fit. That’s how they make money. Is it fair comparison with you when you are a full-time person working a corporate job who hates mornings, has two kids under five, and hates sweating? No, that’s not fair. It’s also not fair for me to look at a CEO of a company and want their schedule.

They have an entire team of people making their life work inside and most likely outside of the office.

The Highlight Reel Reminder

Reminder that you have heard 100 times, but one more time won’t hurt. Social media, including LinkedIn, is a curated show of highlight reels. Just because someone is a multi-time founder and CEO doesn’t mean that the companies were successful or that anyone is working at the company besides themselves. Just because someone takes a gym selfie every day doesn’t mean they had an effective workout.

They might have walked down a snail’s pace on the treadmill watching their favorite show. No shade if that’s what you do at the gym, but don’t let that person make you feel bad for how you use your time. It’s impossible to know from social media who is successful and with what measurements. Followers don’t always equate to money and success. There are plenty of people with thousands of followers quietly making good money and living their best lives. But there are also plenty of people with tens of thousands of followers who aren’t making any money from their accounts at all.

Listen to the Voice That Matters

At the end of the day, your opinion is the only one that matters. You know what’s in your heart and you know what your priorities are. You know what moves the needle for you. Sometimes it’s hard to hear that voice, that knowing deep inside, but if you get quiet, she will tell you what you need. I am not talking about the rude voice that sits in your head telling you all the things that you did wrong today. That voice, mine is called Monica, is unhelpful, but just trying to keep you safe.

If you never take any chances or go after anything, you can’t get hurt. She doesn’t want you to get hurt, so be kind to her. Tell her you appreciate how much she loves you and wants to keep you safe. Ask her to come and sit with you while you both get quiet so you can listen to that deeper voice. That voice is more elusive and harder to hear, but she has more wisdom. It took me three days of meditating and waiting to hear from her the last time I tried.

Working with Your Inner Critic

So if you’re rolling your eyes right now at me and thinking, I do not have time for this woo woo shit, I get it. But hear me out. Your Monica can be calmed with some kind but firm talking. Try to pull back and listen to what she’s saying from a bigger perspective. Chances are the thing that she keeps talking about is actually something bigger. Fear of something. Is she telling you that you can’t be successful in a work project? What is she really afraid of? Failure? Change? Something that happened before and happening again?

Assure her that you are capable and that you don’t need her to protect you. You can protect yourself. You can assure her that she is loved, welcomed, and appreciated because she is only trying to keep you safe, albeit in a very unproductive way, but she has a purpose. She’s not useless. Remember, she’s a part of you after all. Sometimes your Monica is just lending a voice to your biggest fears. Soothe her and yourself by acknowledging those fears and thinking through how realistic they are and how you can address them.

Share This With Someone Who Needs It

If this is hitting home for you right now, I guarantee someone in your life needs to hear this too. Take 30 seconds and send this episode to the friend who’s always beating herself up for not doing enough. Just text them, this made me think of you, we’re both doing better than we think. That’s it, she’ll thank you.

Your One Step Forward

Now take a few minutes to sit quietly with yourself. Not to plan, optimize, or fix anything. Just to notice. What’s the thing that keeps popping up? That nagging feeling you keep pushing down? Maybe it’s, I need to move my body. Maybe it’s, I need to stop doom scrolling. Maybe it’s, I need to actually eat lunch instead of working through it. That small persistent voice isn’t asking you to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. It’s asking you to take one step toward feeling more like yourself.

What’s your one step right now? I know that’s hard to answer when your head is full of noise.

Permission Granted

So here’s what I want you to hear right now. You have permission to be exactly where you are. Permission to take one small step instead of 10 giant leaps. Permission to choose rest over productivity. Permission to disappoint someone. Permission to change your mind. Permission to not have it all figured out. Permission to ask for help. Permission to do a half-assed job on something that doesn’t matter. Permission to prioritize yourself without guilt.

You don’t need to earn these permissions. You don’t need to optimize your way into deserving them. They’re already yours. So what’s your one step right now?

Live Your Life, Not Someone Else’s

Today, I’m not Robin Burzen. You’re not your fitness or career idol. We are both ourselves, and that’s the only way that it can be. You are here on this tiny rock spinning around the sun for only so long. Don’t spend your time wanting someone else’s life. Spend it living yours.