Do Hard Things to Do Hard Things
When I was younger I was angry a lot of the time and very motivated to prove people wrong. It was useful fuel until I started working on myself and realized I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life full of “piss and vinegar”. As much as I enjoyed feeling less angry all the time and having more emotional calm in my life, I missed the motivation the anger provided.
I always liked being on sports teams but I was never very good. Part of the problem was I wasn’t naturally very gifted in athletics and had to work hard to catch up to everyone else (I was a pretty small kid). I used my anger and determination to prove people wrong for a while and got onto the JV softball team but it was just too much work. After that, I didn’t work out or use my body much. I took on the narrative of being uncoordinated and not running unless my life depended on it. When I got into my mid-20s I realized that I “should” be healthy so I dabbled in running and cardio, going to the gym with my boyfriend, and taking yoga classes. Most of these pursuits were about the wardrobe or the smoothies afterward. I never pushed my body to do hard things. I was uncoordinated and not strong, very clumsy, and just not the type of person who worked out. So nothing stuck.
Then throughout some health challenges, I started to understand that my health was connected to some sort of fitness and that was a motivator. I hated feeling like hot stinkin’ garbage. I started with barre classes and eventually moved to the gym. I took group classes and started doing physically hard things. I liked it; working out felt good. Then my world fell apart and I went through a separation that turned into a divorce. I got a personal trainer and told him I wanted to be strong. It helped. I felt more resilient as I got stronger. I felt like I could accomplish more and take care of myself.
When it came time to start growing my nutrition business I was really scared. Putting yourself out in the world and being vulnerable is hard. Creating something new is challenging and requires big risks. When I decided to commit to creating something more, I started physically challenging myself again. I pushed at the gym and was surprised at how much weight I could lift, how much I could improve, and how much control I now had over my body. That made me feel more confident outside of the gym. Doing physically challenging things makes mentally challenging things easier. When it was time to make another push I upped my game and started running. I’m not a runner. It’s not something that comes easily, I’m not fast, and I’m not coordinated. Again, I pushed and learned how to run. Physically pushing my body made things outside of working out easier. Feeling the success of hitting a mile non-stop bolstered my ability to create and grow my business. It made challenges seem less daunting. After beating my last running time I felt like I could take on the world.
Doing physically hard things makes mentally hard things less challenging. In The Comfort Crisis, author Michael Easter talks about the lack of challenging things we have in our lives with convenient access to everything from food and water to phones and cars. As an example, he talks about Misogi which is a Japanese cleansing ritual involving standing under icy cold water to purify the body and mind. Some have taken the Misogi ritual and used it to encourage themselves to do hard things that challenge the body and mind. Research suggests that there is a connection between challenging our physical bodies and mental resilience. This gives us a pretty big lever to pull if we want to become more mentally resilient to stress and all the things life throws at us.
What if you want to become more mentally resilient but aren’t a physically active person? Or don’t like moving your body or working out? Start small. In my 20’s when I decided I should be a “runner” I could make it 1 block before stopping so I quit. I didn’t have any sort of endurance, I didn’t know how to run, and my goal was too big and not very specific: be a runner. I should have started with taking a short walk around the block a few times a week to move my body more. Pushing your body and mental resilience will look different for everyone. Perhaps you are a runner and doing a 5K is something that motivates you. Perhaps you are a walker and have no desire to run. Maybe your big push could be to complete Colin O’Brady’s 12-hour walk. Maybe you have never taken a group fitness class in your life and joining a gym so you can is your big push. There are many ways to use physical challenges to build mental resilience. The key is starting small, doing more than you are now, and setting a goal that is realistic for you.
Interested in building some movement habits to become more mentally resilient? Download my free Habit Building Guide here to help jumpstart your resilience journey!